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The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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